Women do not know what they want



I liked thinking of myself having that possibility - it felt like I should have a male body.

The first doctor she visited with her parents said Ellie should wait - she thought that was transphobic and found another medic who was positive about her desire to transition. I had done my research, and I knew that this doctor could not be trusted. But I was just so happy that he said that, because then my parents were OK with it.

At first, testosterone made Ellie feel emotionally numb. Then she felt much better. At 17, she had a double mastectomy. Later, she graduated from high school, and left Belgium to go to university in Germany. Transitioning to male had not ended Nele's feelings of despair. She was still suicidal, and her eating disorder was manifesting itself in extreme calorie-counting, and an obsession with her diet.

Nele began to think testosterone was the only good Wmen in her life - and she still wanted a mastectomy.

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But she did not feel she could be totally honest with her gender therapist. I mentioned it in the beginning, but I didn't dare talk about it more because of the shame - I think that's normal with eating disorders. But bear in mind that most referrals are young people ased female at birth - natal girls, as they are called, who are ghey vulnerable to eating disorders than their natal male counterparts. Brian and Daniel have been on a similar journey to Ellie and Nele but from a different starting point.

Women do not know what they want

Both were ased male at birth, transitioned to female, and later detransitioned to become male again. The theory is that if you treat the gender distress, the eating disorder will diminish. This can happen, but it is not what Spiliadis has seen among many of his clients - natal females in their 20s who, like Nele, are detransitioning.

They regret the decision to take testosterone and have surgery. But what's really worrying is that some of them still have an eating disorder.

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Those who are medically and physically, but also cognitively compromised might have a distorted view of themselves or their bodies. And because they are life-threatening, eating disorders should be treated before responding medically or surgically to the distress caused by gender dysphoria.

As a new student and trans man in Germany, Ellie thought her own dysphoria was a thing of the past, and she jot getting on with life. I got so many comments from people telling me my transition was such a success, because they couldn't tell I was trans.

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I didn't feel comfortable being seen as a cis man, and I started to feel like I didn't fit in anywhere. And this discomfort I had with my own body parts… Well, I started to see female bodies as less good-looking, less valuable in a way. But Wkmen never really felt any connection with any cis men. Then I thought, maybe dating another trans man would make me feel close to someone and attracted at the same time.

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We share a lot of experiences, and I feel very comfortable around her. Nele got the whag for a long-desired mastectomy, and Ellie was a great support. The couple moved into a flat together. And it was around this time that Ellie, a gender studies student, became interested in the culture war between trans activists and radical feminists that often erupts in the social media ether.

She started to question whether she was really transgender. Ellie and Nele had intense discussions about their own identities.

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And ont was something else - both were diagnosed with vaginal atrophy, a soreness and dryness commonly found in menopausal women, but also a side-effect of taking testosterone. The remedy was oestrogen cream. That is when they stopped taking testosterone. But the decision to detransition was daunting. I didn't even know my natural body because I transitioned so early," says Ellie.

Detransitioning means facing the things I never managed to overcome," says Nele. There is little academic research about detransition. The studies that have been done suggest the rate of detransition is very low - one put the proportion of trans people who return to the gender they were ased at birth at less than 0. But so far, researchers have not taken a large cohort of transitioning people and followed them over a of years.

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There will be academics like myself who are part of that, but even so, it is a huge of people. So they've had to self-organise, to establish their own networks," she says. And that is what Nele and Ellie did. Using Nele's skills as a professional illustrator, they created post-trans. Neither Ellie nor Nele deny the rights of trans people. They do, however, question whether transition is always the right solution.

If it's not clear it's thrush: a doctor or nurse may nott at your vagina, penis or skin a cotton bud may be wiped over the discharge to test for other infections Npt treatment You'll usually need antifungal medicine to get rid of thrush. This can be a tablet you take, a tablet you insert into your vagina pessary or a cream to relieve the irritation. Thrush should nog up within 7 to 14 days of starting treatment.

You do not need to treat partners unless they have symptoms. Recurring thrush You might need to take treatment for longer for up to 6 months if you keep getting thrush you get it more than 4 times in 12 months. A GP or sexual health clinic can help identify if something is Womdn your thrush, such as your period or sex.

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They'll recommend how often you should use treatment. A pharmacist can help with thrush You can buy antifungal medicine from pharmacies if you've had thrush diagnosed in the wuat and you know the symptoms. A pharmacist can eant the best treatment for you. Ask if they have a private area to talk if you're embarrassed. You should not use antifungal medicine more than twice in 6 months without speaking to a pharmacist or doctor.

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